It's only been a day, one singular day, since one of the loves of my life had to leave me to be restored to life at the Rainbow Bridge.
What's my first confession? I don't really know how to grieve. I've spent my entire day dusting, sweeping , organizing, sweeping again, anything to keep my mind off what's really happening. What's really happening, anyway? It all seems so surreal. I've lost my shadow and he's not coming back.
I am alone today, a day when all I can really wish is to have someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay, maybe even give me a kiss on the forehead. I have been on the phone as much as possible, talking through it all, but in the end, a hug would make all the difference. I've tried snuggling Zeus and Paco, but every time I do so, all I can wonder is if they really know what's going on. Paco has lost his brother, his best friend and his personal ear cleaner. Who's going to clean his ears now, Zeus? I don't think so, Zeus' tongue is too big. I suppose I could start. I'm getting away from myself...
I managed to settle the leftover debt at the vet's office and make arrangements for Chico's remains, but it took everything I had to not just break down in the office and cry. I know the lady beside me felt sadness for my loss, as I know I looked devastated and I always wear my heart on my sleeve. A heart that currently needs mending. I feel successful in getting through the first day, but I know that there are so many hard days ahead. For now, I'll send my love to the Bridge and live each day as Chico would have wanted me to: happy. Gone, but never forgotten.