It’s only 10:38am and I already don’t know what to do with myself.
It’s overcast and a bit cool. You wouldn’t have liked being outside today. We would have been curled up together on the couch, me on my computer and you under your blanket, snoring away. I miss those days. Waking up alone has yet to get any easier, though I know it will. This morning, I had that moment of happiness before you really wake up, until reality pops back into play and you remember how fucked up things really are. It was a nice moment, it it was followed almost immediately by guilt, because I’m not entirely ready to have nice moments on my own yet. I just frown and sob. It’s my new normal, for the time being. This is what they call grief.
It’s not all frowns and sobs though. You’ll be happy to know that Paul makes me smile. He’s so wonderful to me, Paco, I wish you could have been around longer to get to know him, but you’ll just have to watch from wherever you are, I suppose. At the very least, I’m happy you could have met him, and that I have a few photos of the two of you. My loves.
I’ve been keeping myself distracted from everything. The booklet on grief that I was given says that this is a normal thing to do, so I guess I’m ok. I want to remember you, but fondly. I want to stop focusing on your last scream, and remember all of your smiles. It’s just hard...
It’s overcast and a bit cool. You wouldn’t have liked being outside today. We would have been curled up together on the couch, me on my computer and you under your blanket, snoring away. I miss those days. Waking up alone has yet to get any easier, though I know it will. This morning, I had that moment of happiness before you really wake up, until reality pops back into play and you remember how fucked up things really are. It was a nice moment, it it was followed almost immediately by guilt, because I’m not entirely ready to have nice moments on my own yet. I just frown and sob. It’s my new normal, for the time being. This is what they call grief.
It’s not all frowns and sobs though. You’ll be happy to know that Paul makes me smile. He’s so wonderful to me, Paco, I wish you could have been around longer to get to know him, but you’ll just have to watch from wherever you are, I suppose. At the very least, I’m happy you could have met him, and that I have a few photos of the two of you. My loves.
I’ve been keeping myself distracted from everything. The booklet on grief that I was given says that this is a normal thing to do, so I guess I’m ok. I want to remember you, but fondly. I want to stop focusing on your last scream, and remember all of your smiles. It’s just hard...